My Dog has Some Thoughts About this Clapping Business

Recently, I sat down with my dog to get her thoughts on the Medium clapping system. She generously agreed to discuss this important topic in exchange for a walk around the block and some serious ear scratching.

Prepare for enlightenment.

Me: Thanks for taking the time to talk with me.

Doggy: Well, I had to postpone my plans to stare vacantly into space and bark at invisible squirrels, but I love you enough to spare a few moments.

Me: Very generous. What’s your take on how the Medium clapping system originated?

Doggy: In the dark of night, covert operatives met in coven-style to devise an ethically-questionable psychological experiment to be tested on all Mediumites.

Me: Wow, that’s pretty deep. Thanks for waking up from your sixth nap of the day to enlighten us.

Doggy: Woof!

Me: No treats until the interview is complete.

Doggy: Yes ma’am.

Me: Now, the clapping system can be tricky. There’s so much to consider: how long the article is, how much you enjoyed it, whether you can get the total claps to a non-prime number while simultaneously giving an even number of claps…How do you think claps should be administered?

Doggy: I suggest the following system.

1–10 claps: Good girl/ boy!

11–20 claps: You deserve a Milk-Bone!

21–35 claps: You deserve a trip to the dog park AND a shipping crate of tennis balls!

36–49 claps: No trips to the vet for 28 dog years!!!!

50 claps: Wowza! You’ve earned belly rubs and behind the ear scratches for days!!!!!!

Me: You’re pretty generous. I like that.

Doggy: 1 clap

Me: No Milk-Bones for you!

Doggy: So I guess we’re not going to discuss curation next?