I’m so sorry to hear how you are suffering! I’ve experienced many of the thoughts and feelings you describe (feeling unworthy of my husband’s love, wanting to spare him the worst of what I’m feeling, etc.) What I’ve learned, though, is that not letting him in or allowing him to help and support me doesn’t do either of us much good. Of course, every situation is different, but being there for me gives him a way to help and that makes him feel empowered and closer to me. I know how hard it is and I hope that something from my rambling might help you. Sending you hugs and strength to get through one day at a time. ❤️