November 20th is National Absurdity Day. Take today as an excuse to behave nonsensically, dress ridiculously, and finally bring your pet water buffalo in to meet all of your coworkers. In honor of this festive celebration of the absurd, several of history’s greatest explorers have graciously offered up some priceless advice on how to make the most of the day.
Sleep in your celebratory spangenhelm-style helmet and giant yellow novelty shoes. You’ll also want to set between five and nine alarm clocks (especially if you plan on enjoying a gallon or three of mead the night before). Rise well before the sun, and bellow “Happy Absurdity Day!” until everyone in your household is wide awake.
Make sure to record your merry-making and upload it to YouTube posthaste. You don’t want some guy coming along 500 years from now and claiming that he “discovered” Absurdity Day!
If you happen to be feeling under the weather on this most festive of all absurd days, go on in to work anyway. You don’t want to miss out on the rich comedic gold and spiciness of Absurdity Day! Besides, your coworkers could totally use an invasive plague to toughen up their untried immune systems.
I set a record by circumnavigating the globe in 72 days (and feigned insanity to investigate reports of brutality and neglect at a women’s lunatic asylum). Don’t feel bad if you don’t recognize my name. I am but one woman in a sea of seafaring men.
Just try not to act too absurdly today, particularly if you’re a woman. You don’t want to end up with a diagnosis of female hysteria or jostle your organs too vigorously beneath your corset.
Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay
Take the day one step at a time. If you get up to some really absurd absurdity, it can’t hurt to strap on an oxygen tank or two. Also, and we cannot stress this enough, never leave your favorite ice axe near the edge of a crevasse, teetering at the top of a headwall, or in the bathroom at your favorite burger joint.
My only advice is to stay away from swimming pools today and every day.